


Dum Spiro Spero

by orphan_account



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Lori Lives, Multi, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-25 13:59:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9823631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Lori lives to see her daughter grow up, and learns to fight her own battles. Daryl finds himself in the middle of an odd family, and Rick finds love in an unexpected place.





	1. Dum Spiro Spero - While I Breathe, I Hope

**Author's Note:**

> This story will be told in oneshots that are set between the beginning of season 3 and the current episode. The timeline will switch around (go back in time, go forth in time...), but fear not, you'll always know where you're at with each story. I'm trying to keep as many characters alive as possible in this story because...nah, I just love them all! Yep, this is a rarepair (and probably unpopular one too), so thanks to everyone who gives it a chance. The story suddenly unfolded itself in my mind (between all the Rickyl and Desus and Maryl and whatever shipping fantasies I have) and demanded to be written, so here it is. :)

Dum spiro spero – While I breathe, I hope

For as long as she could remember, Lori had depended on people around her. What a lucky girl she'd been once Rick had asked her to marry him as soon as she turned eighteen. Her future was safe, so she'd thought, with a man by her side who'd bring in the money while she took care of house and kid. How anti feminist, some women whispered behind her back, greeting her with those overly bright smiles once she got within earshot. How lazy of her, said the others.

It's not like that, she wanted to say, but knew nothing would convince those that rather looked at the facade than dared to risk a peek behind it. Lori didn't care to be Rick's perfect housewife, nor was she afraid to stand on her own two feet. She wanted to be safe first and foremost, ever since she had been a little girl. Her daddy had taught her so; his little girl should never be scared. There would always be a kind person who'd take care of her, make sure she was alright. How pleased he'd been with Rick The Cop, who'd vowed to give her the kind of home every father wanted for his sweet daughter.

Oh, how nice and easy could life have been, if only she'd settled for what she got and been fine with it. At least it'd taken them years until the fighting started and seemed to never stop, until she'd felt trapped while unable to voice what it was that she did want after all. And then, as if to scold her for daring to feel unhappy with that perfect, sweet life, fate decided to intervene and have her husband get shot right into coma.

That was before the world went to shit for good. The images would forever be burnt into her mind, along with the sickening fear that'd caused her throat to close up, her heart to hammer hard in her chest whenever the news were on. Was this truly happening? Was mankind heading straight into what she'd only ever seen in cheap horror movies? Would everything end now, just like that?

Now she could depend on Shane though. He filled in the void left by Rick so perfectly, so willingly, almost as if he'd secretly, unbeknownst to himself, waited for it to happen. But still the world had kept spiralling out of control, in every way she couldn't have imagined even in her wildest dreams. Rick returned, his and Shane's friendship shattered beyond repair thanks to a couple of poorly made choices. The already strained marriage couldn't be fixed either, despite all attempts they made. Then there was the baby, about to be born into a world that was scary as hell, with a reluctant father who didn't believe the little one was his to begin with.

Lori's little bubble had burst for good, and still realisation that any kind of safety was lost hit her like a truck one night as she sat by the fireplace, hands resting upon an ever growing belly that didn't go along well with way too thin limbs. She wasn't alone, no. Certainly not. Rick was still watching out for her, although he rarely ever met her gaze anymore. He and Daryl would give her most of their food rations, made sure she had enough layers of clothes during winter days. Hershel would pay close attention to the tone of her skin and how often the baby bothered to move.

But still she felt like floating helplessly in space, unable to feel safe, so scared of what lay ahead because yes, things could always get worse. Fate kept proving that to her. Why was she still alive, she wondered at times. For what? To wait until she'd deliver yet another human being into a world that had little of humanity left? Sometimes, the barrel of a gun looked scarily inviting. She'd only look at it at first, disgusted by herself. Then it'd be in her hand, all of a sudden as if it moved itself there. She'd twist and turn it until she was staring into the dark hole that promised a quick escape. Carl's voice would eventually make her drop it, or those eyes that would watch her from the bars of her cell, silently, never judging but affecting her nonetheless.

But then, fate decided to take an turn once more. The baby that'd been so quiet and calm for all those months as if it didn't dare to remind her of its existence, decided to enter the world the moment a herd of walkers had found their way into their prison home thanks to an evil soul. Those calm, never judging eyes had found hers back then, hands had held on to her, helped her along, but eventually it was Lori who made the decision that she was done with depending. This baby, it needed her. Not a husband or a father or a lover or whoever else had found their way into her life. No, it needed her and her strength, and for once she was more than willing to give whatever it took. Even if giving her life was required; she was more than happy to offer it in exchange for her baby's best chance. The risk turned out to be worth it.

 _I'm free_ , Lori thought, feeling an odd rush of relief as she sat outside the small cabin, eyes briefly fluttering shut as she allowed the setting sun to warm her face. The hint of a smile lit her face, grew even wider as she opened her eyes again and found the curious gaze of the little girl in her lap. Judith had grown so much since that fateful day in a locked cell, with biters rattling at the door's bars, trying to get in to her, the little one and those helping hands.

Little Judith knew nothing of the dangers that waited around every corner. Or maybe she did, Lori wondered sometimes, because the baby was unusually quiet for such a young child. She rarely cried. She would watch the world and her family with bright eyes and the most innocent smile. She was the definition of hope, so much everyone agreed on, and even in times like this, one look into her daughter's face was enough to remind Lori that _yes_ , as long as she was alive, there was something worth fighting for.

 _I won't depend on others anymore_ , she'd vowed as she held her newborn daughter close against her chest. Because she was strong herself. She had survived pregnancy and starvation, and giving birth in a dirty, little prison cell. She was done with being afraid. Now was her time to fight back. For herself, the little on, for Carl...there were enough reasons to keep going. She understood that now, and also why the watcher with the never judging eyes hadn't bothered to stop her all those times she had been caught with a loaded gun. It'd been in her all the time.

“Let's hope we're gonna find your brother again soon,” she cooed, smiling as Judith offered a yawn in response. The prison had fallen to the man who called himself Governor a day ago. Now they were on the run again; she and Judith, with Daryl, Carol, Tyreese and the two orphaned little girls. Carl had escaped as well, together with Rick and Andrea and despite herself, Lori wasn't worried. Her ex-husband would take care of their son just fine, and so would his girlfriend. They'd reunite eventually; Lori refused to give up on that thought. For now, though, they needed to find shelter, go on supply runs and feed the children. Everything else would fall into place. It always did, didn't it?

The sun disappeared behind a group of trees in the distance, painting long shadows into the flat, dry fields. There was no telltale groaning and shuffling of approaching walkers for once, but no singing of birds either. Instead she could hear the comforting sound of voices, muffled in the cabin. One of the girls laughed. Nice that they could still do that. Tyreese answered, then Carol, and then Daryl sat by her side as if he'd appeared out of nowhere. She'd stopped wondering how he did that long ago.

They sat in silence until the sun touched the horizon. No awkward silence though. There was almost something comforting to it. By now, Judith's head was resting against her chest, one tiny fist tightly curled around a handful of Lori's thin shirt. The warmth and weight of the baby along with the presence of the man by her side anchored her in the moment like nothing else could.

“How're you doing?” she asked eventually. Her gaze shifted to the bloody cut in the left leg of his pants. The crimson stains looked suspiciously wet to her. It was a sight she was familiar with, but that caused an ever growing frustration in the depth of her chest. Same story, over and over again, she thought with a frown.

“Fine,” was the short answer, like expected. Of course he'd caught her staring, the way her eyebrows lifted at his response. “It's nothing.”

“It's still bleeding,” she stated dryly, shaking her head. “You're limping. Doesn't look like nothing to me.”

That earned her an annoyed look, and she was surprised he didn't roll his eyes to emphasize his unspoken words.

“I know,” Lori sighed. “ _It's nothing, will close within the next couple of hours. I've had worse. Can take care of myself. Baby the kid, not me._ ” She smirked as he huffed in response. “Hey, I'm a mother, alright? It's my job to worry.”

“For your kid, yeah. Not for me.” Daryl returned to staring at nothing in particular, ignoring her searching eyes. Oh, he was good at that. Blinding out what got on his nerves. Reminded her of Carl.

“He's gonna be fine, you know,” he said then, interrupting her thoughts just as they threatened to drift off. “Carl. Rick's gonna take good care of him.”

“Oh, I know.” This time, Lori's smile wasn't more than a half-hearted attempt. No, she wasn't worried that Rick wouldn't protect their son. Didn't mean there wasn't the occasional lump in her throat when she reminded herself of the fact that Carl knew how to shoot a gun and kill not only walkers but living people too. That he'd seen more people die than any child ever should. Than any person ever should.

There it went again, the earlier sense of freedom and strength because she knew how to fight for herself now. There was no way in hell she'd ever give up or expect another person to go to war for her, but the longing for something stable and more or less normal would remain, as it seemed.

How many more homes did they have to lose until they found a real one? How long would it take until they all reunited? And how many of them would still be alive by then?

She didn't voice any of those thoughts, and she didn't have to. He didn't ask because he knew. He didn't even lift his gaze from the setting sun as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, allowed her to sink against his side, and was just there.

He always was, somehow, right when she needed it the most. It'd started back in the woods with silent offers of half-full plates when she believed she was about to starve. It'd continued at the prison, when he'd come back from a run a day later than Maggie and Glenn, with something strapped to the back of his bike that turned out to be a crib for the baby. He'd been the one to help Judith into the world when everyone else was trapped elsewhere in the prison with walkers at their heels. He'd been the one who'd pay even more attention to her once she had the little one, making sure they weren't lacking anything. And he'd been the one to get her and Judith out once everything went to shit again. She'd taken the burden of responsibility off Rick's shoulders, just to find the void left by him once again being filled, almost instantly after he'd left, so naturally that she hadn't noticed until much later.

No words were spoken until the sun disappeared for good and urged them to go back inside for safety reasons. When Lori put Judith into her makeshift bed and settled down by her side, she felt calm sensation return. Warmth and comfort joined in once Daryl took his place at her other side like there was nowhere else for him to be. With closed eyes, she listened to the soft murmur downstairs as Tyreese and Carol took the first watch.

Lori knew she'd changed since the end of the world, in a good way she believed. She'd turned out to be stronger than she'd ever dared to imagine, but still didn't have to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders alone. As long as she breathed, she'd hope. With that in mind, she drifted off into a mild slumber, the hint of a smile still present on her face.


	2. Nosce Te Ipsum - Know Thyself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is set shortly after they arrived at the prison.

Nosce Te Ipsum - Know Thyself

Beautiful moments when everything seemed alright, when the constant worries weren’t hovering above one’s head like a dark cloud and smiles lit hardened faces were rare these days. The mood swings that came with being pregnant didn’t help much to keep Lori’s thoughts and feelings on a positive path either. More often than not, she found herself snapping at the people around her, just to feel sorry and guilty a moment later. Her apologises were accepted every time. Of course they were. After all, who’d blame a pregnant woman for anything, really? Lori knew that at times she could aim painfully well with hurtful words and even though she received a smile once she said sorry, she didn’t miss they were so often fake ones to put her mind at ease.

Lori’d stopped pitying herself as soon as they’d arrived at the prison. Yes, the world had turned to shit. Yes, things were even rougher now that another human being was growing in her belly and battling her for rare resources. Yes, her marriage with Rick had failed for good, and Carl wasn’t pleased with the distance between his parents either. She wouldn’t have been surprised if her son had blamed her for it. But could she change any of those problems? No, not really.

With hands protectively resting on her ever growing belly, Lori leant against the wall behind her, taking in the view across the prison yard. She took a deep breath, held it for a moment before she released it again. Since the outbreak, something rotten constantly filled the air. It took their senses a while to adjust, to hear more than the constant growling, to smell more than blood and death, to see more than wasteland.

For Lori, the view in front of her was home. Odd that a prison could offer comfort and safety, that a small cell with a dirty bunk looked like a honeymoon suite to her. Chuckling, she shook her head at herself. Life was so much easier if one accepted things the way they were. At least until the dark clouds returned and the mood fell straight to the bottom again.

Lori’s face froze as she spotted her ex-husband a couple of feet away, heading for the guard tower. It wasn’t actually him that darkened her mood, neither was she bothered by his company, but by the way both were acting as they walked. The stiffness in their backs. The sharp steps, a little too fast to look natural. The quick glances over shoulders, back to where the others were just rising from a hopefully restful night.

Two people trying not to be caught. She was frustrated whenever she spotted them like that.

Lori’d been aware of Rick’s growing interest in Andrea a long time before the man knew himself. The situation had made the step to breaking off for good easier for her. She knew all that kept Rick around was a combination of loyalty and responsibility. He’d never leave her alone, especially not with a child on the way. It had to be her who’d make the step and let him go, taking away the steadily increasing guilt that came with his inability to look at her the way he once did. When things were still fine. Seemingly ages ago.

Her heart still ached sometimes when she remembered how easy being with him had been, back then when love had still been strong and nothing could get between them. Until the coma, the outbreak. Until Shane. Until things got completely out of control.

He was free, Lori thought. So why was he still trying to keep his growing relationship with Andrea hidden from her like a dirty secret? She couldn’t tell for sure why his behavior annoyed her so much. Was she jealous? No, not anymore. Did it matter? Not really.

With arms crossed in front of her chest, Lori waited, watching from the safe distance as the couple tried to look at ease with each other while enjoying a short moment of privacy, and failing royally. She waited until Andrea gave up, headed back inside and left Rick alone. With a sigh, she pushed herself off the cool wall and made her way out of the shadows. Rick didn’t notice her presence until she appeared by his side, eventually eyeing her with a pang of guilt that only fueled her anger.

“Will you just stop?” she asked sharply, not giving him a chance to speak first. “Don’t look at me like you don’t know what I’m talking about! You think I don’t know what’s going on between the two of you? Everyone probably knows by now, because you aren’t as subtle as you think you are.”

 _Not like me and Shane_ , her evil inner voice reminded her. Ignoring the rush of shame, she continued, “It’s fine, okay? You’re making this awkward for no reason. We agreed we’re done, Rick. Months ago. Yes, I know you won’t abandon me. Yes, I know you’re still there when I need you with the baby. You’d even play the daddy even though you’re convinced it isn’t yours. You’re a good guy, I get it. Everyone does. I see why you don’t wanna show it in front of Carl yet, but me? I’m good, okay? Stop making me feel like the two of you are avoiding me. That’s worse than simply admitting it is what it is.”

She sighed again, this time in need of fresh air. Rick studied her in silence until she’d caught her breath again, then shook his head at her and dared to offer the hint of a smirk.

“You’re pissed off because I’m trying to respect your feelings?” he wanted to know, lifting an eyebrow at her. His reaction wasn’t helping.

“With doing what? Shittily pretending like there’s nothing going on while it’s so obvious?” She snorted. “Be glad you never had to go undercover. You’d have failed so hard.”

This time, he couldn’t hold back a laughter which grew in volume at her glare. “Never thought I was that bad.” A warm smile followed then and he added, “Listen, I didn’t wanna hurt you, okay? I know what we agreed on. Doesn’t mean because we ended things months ago you’re okay with seeming me with someone else.”

“We gotta move on,” Lori stated, although she understood where he was coming from well enough. “Of course it’s odd to see you with someone else, but it’s gotta be after years of being married, right? I just think...a clean cut and parents who actually get along well with each other is better for Carl than this awkward dance we’ve been doing.”

He couldn’t argue with that, but before he got the chance to agree, something else caught her attention, immediately wiping the topic of discussion from her mind. Her eyes narrowed in a fierce glare as a new rush of anger burnt in her chest like wildfire. The past few days her nerves had been dangerously thin, for two reasons. One she’d finally gotten the chance to address. The other, however…

“Well, ain’t it nice that someone’s finally decided to come back after all?” she hissed between clenched teeth, hurrying down the prison yard as good as she could with a huge belly in the way. She could hear Rick’s confused voice behind her, but didn’t bother to listen. All attention was focused on the small figure upon a bike, approaching the gates far too slowly for her liking.

That Daryl stayed away for days thanks to supply runs or hunting trips wasn’t unusual by now, although parts of the company still worried at times, wondering if the hunter would come back fine, or bother to return after all. It was no secret that he didn’t like being trapped in the same place for longer than necessary, but Lori knew better. He wouldn’t dump them. The responsibility of keeping them alive, loaded onto his shoulders not only by himself but the other survivors as well, would always drive him back home.

Unusual, however, was a supply run starting with three people, but only two of them returning with the message that ‘Daryl went back to fetch something else. He’s gonna be late.’. Rick hadn’t been amused, but Lori’s reaction had made poor Glenn back off with an apologising shrug and hurry after his girlfriend. Neither of them knew what exactly delayed the hunter’s return, and Lori didn’t care either. No one was supposed to be out there on their own. Rick had decided so, and she fully agreed with him on the matter. Rules didn’t seem to apply to Daryl though.

He’d barely gotten off his bike by the time she finally reached him, still driven by adrenaline and anger, coupled with days of worry and something else that didn’t even make sense.

“Where the hell have you been?” she all but growled at him. “You got any idea what we thought when Glenn and Maggie returned, and it was just the two of them? Ever occurred to you we might actually think we’d lost you?”

“Told them I gotta be late,” he stated, frowning as if her reaction came entirely out of the blue. It did nothing to calm her at all.

“So?” she asked instead, arms crossed over the ever present swell of her belly. “That could mean anything! A day, or maybe two? Or more? What’d been so important that you couldn’t fetch it together with the others and be on time? You don’t care we might be worried sick, not knowing where you are? Especially keeping in mind that we agreed _not_ to be alone out there on our fucking own?”

“Didn’t say I didn’t care.” Instead of snapping back, with temper rising like it did so easily not long ago, Daryl rolled his eyes at her. Out of respect for her condition, she assumed, which angered her even more. “Got something for you, thought it’d be a good idea.”

That threw her off. “For me?” For the first time since she’d spotted the bike, Lori let her gaze wander to the odd shape that was strapped to its back. It was big, so much she could see, made of wood, with some plastic wrapped around it. Confusion won the upper hand for a moment as she stepped closer. “What’s it?”

“Well, what does it look like?” Daryl freed the object of the straps that held it in place and set it down in front of her feet. It took her another long moment until she finally understood what she was looking at. Her eyes widened in surprise.

“You got a crib for the baby?” Reaching out, she brushed the tips of her fingers over the wooden frame. No mold, nothing rotten. Such a find was a treasure.

Another shrug. “Thought it’d be better than putting the kid in a box. It’s gonna be born inside a prison, should at least have a decent bed.”

When her eyes met his again, gratitude glittering in them, Daryl looked so uncomfortable that Lori almost felt sorry for him.

Almost.

“So you were late and driving me up the walls with worry just to get me a crib for the baby?” She shook her head in disbelief.

Another frown was his answer. “Why’d you worry?” he wanted to know. “I’m just fine on my own. Always have been.”

“Yeah, and you never get yourself injured, right? Saw how well you work on your own back at the farm.” The words were out before she could stop them, and she bit her lip in shame. He didn’t seem to care though.

“You’re not gonna get the thing for free,” he told her, and when she looked at him in surprise, she could’ve sworn she saw hints of mischief in those blue eyes of his. “Gotta do something for it first.”

“What’d that be?”

“Eat more.” Two words, stated so calmly, yet they hit home right away. The eating topic again. They’d had it so often back in the woods on the run, when he’d give her most of his own food to make sure she wouldn’t starve, getting thinner and thinner himself. The mother in her had tried to fight back, not wanting to see the skin stretching tight over his bones, but the child in her belly demanded more, and he wouldn’t back off. Now, at the prison, with far more resources, he still paid attention to her eating habits, which didn’t seem to be as satisfying as she’d thought.

“I’m eating enough,” she argued instinctively.

He wouldn’t have any of it. “Yeah? So how come you’re still thin as sticks?”

Lori couldn’t argue with that. She was far too thin for a pregnant woman. She sighed in defeat. “So you got the bed all the way to the prison, just to not give it to me if I don’t eat enough?”

“It’s up to you.” He picked it up and loaded it back onto the bike. “Eat more, take better care of the kid and yourself, or let it sleep in a box when it’s arrived.”

With those words, he left her standing at the prison gate, heading for the building’s entrance without another look at her. She stared after him for a while. Only when he’d disappeared from her view, Lori remembered the argument that’d started their exchange. This time, the spark didn’t take. In silence, no longer furious but filled with something else, she followed eventually. 

By the time she arrived at her cell, already getting exhausted from being up on her feet for too long, she was surprised to find the small wooden bed placed next to the bunk she shared with Carl. Lori swallowed hard to get rid of the lump that started to form in her throat at the sight. Such a kind gesture, out of nowhere, saying so much more than words ever could. She sank onto her bed, shaking her head at herself as something finally clicked into place.


	3. Ab Imo Pectore - From the Bottom of my Heart

Ab Imo Pectore - From the Bottom of my Heart

Lori’s baby chose the worst day possible to make its entry into the world. What’d started as ordinary and eventless with heavy rain drumming against the rooftop and windows in a calming rhythm had turned into a nightmare as all hell broke loose. Walkers found their way into the building and reminded the few survivors that they’d never truly be prepared for an attack.

No one knew who’d let the biters in, and once they didn’t just fill the yard but started to spill into every cell block, no one got the time to care. Lori’d been outside when the herd was let in, barely made it inside when the next obstacle hit. She’d been feeling off since she woke up far too early that morning. Going back to sleep hadn’t been an option as she couldn’t get comfortable enough. A piece of bread for breakfast couldn’t settle her upset stomach, the fresh smell of rain didn’t ease her inner tension either.

When she doubled over in pain, Lori understood why. All day long, her body’d tried to inform her that something was about to happen. Looking back, she’d probably had contractions for a while already. She’d shaken it off as nothing special, considering she’d felt poorly for most of her pregnancy.

Now she knew for a fact that her baby was done with waiting. Cold fear gripped her heart as she sank against the nearest wall, trying to make out a familiar face in the rapidly growing crowd, close enough to notice her.

 _Please, why now?_ , her inner voice cried out as she tried to move further into the shadows, seeing another group of walkers pushing inside. She should’ve closed the door as she went in. Going back there though…

She hissed as pain ripped through her again, in a maddening wave that grew and grew until she could hardly bear it. A sigh of relief escaped her as it faded eventually, but panic rose with new force as she understood the full range of what she’d gotten into. She couldn’t cry for help; walkers would be upon her within moments. She couldn’t stay hidden for long either because her smell, so fresh and alive, would allure the biters sooner than later.

Lori gasped in pain, gritting her teeth, biting her tongue to stay quiet. She was panting far too loudly, unable to calm her racing heart as it attempted to jump out of her ribcage. Tears fogged her view and it took all her willpower to keep fighting against the sharp panic that held her in a merciless grip.

“Help…” she whimpered. “I need help. Anyone…?”

She yelped in shock as a hand firmly wrapped around her around her arm. Instinctively, she fought back, trying to get herself free, just to have an arm wrap around her, forcing her to stop.

“Shh, it’s me,” an all too familiar voice hissed into her ear. “Quit shouting, we gotta get you outta here.”

Releasing an involuntary sob of relief, Lori held onto the steading hands that guided her away from the walkers, away from where they hammered against a now closed door. He’d come and found her, just in time when she needed him most, as if he’d heard her silent prayer.

“I need to get upstairs,” she forced out between laboured breaths. “The baby wants out, don’t think it’s gonna be much longer til...we gotta find Hershel, or Carol.”

“Don’t need any of them,” Daryl stated, dragging her with him like she weighed nothing. He’d spotted an empty cell near the stairs and pushed her into before he closed the door and locked it. He set down the small duffle bag that’d been his company for the past few days on the bed beside where Lori had sunk onto the mattress. “Got everything we need in here.”

“But…” she started, words failing her as she struggled with staying focussed. “I need…”

“You think only those two got prepared for this? Just believing one of them’d be around? Pretty risky, don’t you think?”

She stared back at him, at a loss of words. Yes, she’d thought about her chances of having Hershel or Carol around once she went into labour. She’d pushed the concern away every time. Neither of them was far off these days. There were other potential problems that worried her more.

Studying him now as he prepared to deliver her baby, firmly ignoring the growling walkers that started to pile behind the barred cell door, Lori understood that Daryl’d loaded responsibility upon his shoulders that had little to do with keeping the group safe and well-fed, but everything with being the rock to lean on, the support he’d been providing for so long now. She wanted to cry again, this time in gratitude, but sharp pain in her abdomen wiped all positive thoughts from her mind.

Daryl was right by her side, asking questions that revealed he’d shared more than one conversation with Hershel regarding the matter. He helped her adjust her position on the bed, tried to cover the cell door with a sheet as good as possible. It did little to block the invasive danger, the rotten smell and maddening noises.

The walkers didn’t worry her the most though. Giving birth to Carl had been a complicated ordeal and they’d had to help the little boy into the world via c-section. Lori knew her body well enough to be aware of the fact that she’d be facing trouble again. She could feel the baby was going too fast, wasn’t sure if her body possessed the strength for what lay ahead. Fear kept her trapped in a cold, unbreakable grasp, weighing her down, threatening to defeat her after all.

“You...you gotta promise me something,” she ground out between heavy breath. Tears were flowing freely now, but she’d made this decision days ago. Swallowing hard to steady her voice, she continued, “I...you have to get it out of there. I couldn’t get Carl out on my own back then...doubt I’m gonna be able to now. Not like this.”

“You will,” he stated gruffly, not meeting her eyes as he knew what she’d see. He was scared; the tension in every muscle was clear evidence. She was sure he knew she was going too slow, was bleeding too much. He knew, and so did she.

“Please, now’s not the time for being stubborn! You gotta listen!” she pleaded. “Hershel told you about how to do a c-section? You have to do it. And please...let Carl know I love him. How much I…”

“No,” he interrupted her sharply. “You’re gonna tell him yourself. You’re gonna be just fine.”

“That’s not up to you to decide!” she shouted back in despair. “Will you just…”

“Stop it!” This time, his gaze met hers and the determination she could see in them left her speechless once more. “I’m not gonna let you die, Lori! You got another kid out there. He needs his Momma. Both of them need you. If things really go to shit, I’m gonna save the baby. Promise. But I’m not gonna do it yet, not as long as you still got a chance. You’re gonna make it, you hear me? Might’ve failed to save Sophia, but I’m not gonna give up on you.”

Lori wanted to argue back, wanted to tell him that even if he didn’t give up on her, his sheer willpower wouldn’t be enough to save her either. His words, however, hit her right into the core. Yes, there was a child, soon two, and both needed their mom. Not just a promise that she’d love them and watch them from wherever she’d go. They needed her, and she wanted to be there, to see them grow up. She wanted to meet her baby, boy or girl, hold it in her arms, feel the sweet weight of a newborn settling against her chest, stroking tiny fists and soft downy hair.

“Promise to take me out in case I won’t make it,” she whispered, voice thick with newly rising tears. “I’m gonna try, but just in case…”

All Daryl offered in response was a sharp nod. The fear was gone completely from his eyes now, entirely replaced by the wish to keep his word. There was so much she wanted to say, but nothing mattered as much as the child that wanted to live so badly. Her world narrowed down to that, the child, and as another contraction hit, everything else disappeared for good. She’d make it for the kids. 

Push. Breath, relax. Do it again. Over and over again. Blood was everywhere, her body fought like a wounded animal, unwilling to surrender upon the deadly field of battle. All strength was leaving her, push after push, her view turning blurry as she threatened to slip into unconsciousness, but she wouldn’t let herself give in just yet. No, not yet. Just a bit more. A little bit more…

And then it was over, as suddenly as it’d started. Lori would’ve missed it, hadn’t she heard the piercing scream of a new life, echoing from the walls, so strong and so alive. She felt like a wrack, shredded to pieces, only held together by the determination to have the screaming bundle in her arms. Finally her view cleared and she could make out Daryl, covered in her blood like he’d taken down a herd of walkers, holding the tiny human being in his hands like it was a miracle, too beautiful to be true. Like _she_ was a miracle.

“A girl,” she rasped out, not sure if she’d spoken out loud.

“Yeah,” he agreed, and for the first time since she knew him, she saw Daryl smile. So honestly, so full of relief and gratitude. A mesmerizing sight.

But then the baby found her way into her arms, so tiny, almost weighing nothing, pink limbs kicking. The girl’s little face was no longer scrunched up in a newborn’s scream. Instead huge, aimless eyes stared up at her, instinctively knowing that this was Mommy. Lori choked out a chuckle, hands holding on to the little one that’d been growing beneath her heart for so long. She knew her, and finally she got to see her too. She wanted to laugh and to cry, to scream and sing to heaven above. Maybe she was already doing it all at once, she didn’t know.

“Gonna make those bastards leave us alone,” Daryl’s hoarse voice cut into her perfect, little bubble. “Just hold on a little longer.”

Lori gave a short nod in response, her attention never leaving the baby girl. She was so calm, so sweet, so utterly perfect. A wonder, and she’d made it happen.

Lori fought against the fog of unconsciousness until she could hear the mix of voices, the metallic sound of bars being pushed aside. A hand on her shoulder, the baby lifted out of her arms. She wanted to speak. _See you later, baby girl._

Then everything went dark.

****

At first, there was nothing. When Lori opened her eyes, she had no idea where she was. She blinked a few times until she could make out soft light coming in through something that dimmed it. A curtain maybe. There was more light though. Candles maybe? She blinked again and slowly, ever so slowly, her eyes cleared.

 _My cell,_ she thought, shifting. The pain hit her with a force that made her groan in agony and surprise, bringing back sharp, detailed memories of what had happened shortly before she’d drifted off into blissful darkness.

Oh goodness, how much she hurt. But the pain was quickly forgotten when she remembered something else.

“Baby girl,” she whispered, turning her head. She couldn’t help the deep sigh of relief when she found the crib still by her bedside, a huge heap of blankets inside. A hand was resting on its railing and when she looked up to meet its owner’s face, she found familiar blue eyes gazing down at her, watching her closely.

“Hey,” she said by instinct, her voice not more than a whisper.

Daryl offered the hint of a smile in acknowledgment, not as bright as earlier but still with a warmth that looked so foreign on his face. “How’re you feeling?”

“Like something tore me to pieces and ran me over with a truck,” she answered with a wince.

The smile widened. “Close enough I guess.”

Her eyes darted back to the crib. “How’s she...is she okay?”

“Yeah,” he assured her, voice as calm as ever. _It’s true,_ it told her. _Not trying to sugarcoat anything here._ “Both of you are. Well, more or less.”

Lori couldn’t resist a chuckle. More or less indeed. She hurt, but she’d be okay. She could feel it now. She’d made it. Yes, she had.

“Wanna hold her?” he offered then, and she nodded eagerly. She watched as Daryl picked her baby girl up, now nicely wrapped in layers and layers of cloth, clean and fine. He looked oddly protective as he moved closer and handed the bundle to her.

Only then further thoughts found their way into her mind. She’d made it back to her cell obviously. Daryl had stayed with her and as she lifted her gaze, tears sprung to her eyes as she found Carl slumped in a chair, sound asleep. No Rick though, or anyone else. That was okay.

“She got a name already?” Lori chose to ask next, unwilling to let her thoughts drift any further. Her eyes settled on the baby again, and the strong warmth the sight caused in the depth of her chest made her smile.

“Actually she does,” Daryl answered. He’d returned to his own chair, and she almost wanted to make him return to her side. “Carl wants to call her Judith.”

His name rose the boy from his sleep and after needing a moment for his mind to start working again, finding his mother awake, his eyes lit up with a joy Lori hadn’t seen in far too long.

“Mom!” He crossed the distance between them in a hurry, awkwardly hugging her before settling on the edge of her bed, tears glistening in his eyes. “Are you okay? Hershel said you’d be fine, but you need a lot of rest.”

“I’m fine, don’t worry.” Lori tried to give a reassuring smile, but almost choked on the lump in her throat. _If I’d given up…_ , she thought, and shuddered at the thought of what that loss would’ve done to her son.

“Good.” Carl nodded relieved. “When we found you...I thought you were dead.”

“But I’m here,” she said, barely managing to keep her voice steady. “And so is your baby sister. I heard you picked a name for her already?”

Carl’s cheeks reddened and he rambled on about how he’d come up with ‘Judith’. Lori studied him closely as he spoke, a new wave of undying love filling her. So surreal, she thought. Not long ago, she’d been ready to say her goodbye to the world, hoping so dearly that her children would be okay and survive in the cruel mess the world had turned into. Now there she was, still alive like them, and around to be the shoulder to lean on, the protection every child needed so badly.

“I’m gonna go tell Dad and the others you’re awake,” Carl said then, shot off the bed and hurried out of the cell. From the corner of her eye, Lori could see Daryl moving to get up as well.

“Can you stay, please?” she asked and as if by instinct, he followed her request, sitting back down. There was something awkward in his eyes; he knew perfectly well why she wanted him to stay a little bit longer. Open display of emotions wasn’t his thing, unless they came in an outburst like they had earlier. She wouldn’t let him run.

“You saved her life. Mine too,” Lori said quietly, adjusting the baby in one arm so she could reach for him with her other hand. He flinched slightly as she took gentle hold of one of his, giving it a squeeze. “If you hadn’t fought for us down there...I guess neither of us would still be alive by now.”

“ _You_ gave birth to her,” he answered and she sighed.

“Let’s not argue about details,” she pressed. “You saved my daughter’s life, and you saved me as well. I...I’m not sure you got any idea how scared I was. See...I didn’t wanna go. Didn’t wanna leave her and Carl alone, but I made the decision some time ago, just in case. I wanted her to live, even if I had to go for it. You though...I know you were scared too, but you didn’t back off, you didn’t pick the easy way out. I’m here because of you, and I want you to know that. I want you to know how glad I was to have you with me down there. Couldn’t have asked for anyone better.”

His eyes met hers at those words and Lori could feel he wanted to disagree. Obviously her voice had hit home though as Daryl gave her hand a squeeze in return, lowered his gaze in the way he always did when things got too personal.

“Anytime,” he said. She didn’t need more.


	4. Tempora Mutantur (et nos mutamur in illis) - Times Change (and we change with them)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mentions of past child abuse

Tempora Mutantur (et nos mutamur in illis) - Times Change (and we change with them)

He’d come back with his brother, battered and bleeding, and Lori’d resisted the urge to tear out her hair in concern and frustration. Daryl’d disappeared right away. She had to pester Rick for details until he told her what’d happened back at shithole Woodbury.

Peace wasn’t made for them as it seemed. Danger always found its way back into their lives, either in the form of walkers or a psychopath calling himself the Governor.

She knew she was paying an unusual amount of attention to Daryl. He’d watched out for her ever since they’d left the farm, and she’d started to do the same since the day he’d helped her deliver Judith.

It was an interesting bond that’d formed between them on that fateful day. For someone who was always there but always lingered in the background, the amount of time he spent with her now was highly unusual.

And then there was the baby. Lori’d never seen him in the role of a father; he was too closed off, too burdened with a painful past, too much of a lone wolf. But once Judith’d arrived, she noticed a change she hadn’t expected. With Judith, he did it all. Suddenly there were warm smiles, gentle words of affection, he’d hold her until she’d fall asleep, once she’d caught him singing to her, rough voice so strangely soft.

He’d taken up the role of a father so naturally once he could be sure Rick wouldn’t do it, and he fitted into it like he knew exactly what he was doing. Lori watched in awe, every time fascinated by the transition he went through whenever he laid eyes upon the child. She felt herself drawn to him more with each passing day, until she caught herself experiencing feelings that went a little further than she wanted them to.

Now he was back after a rather dangerous encounter with a new enemy, injured and hurting, and her instinct to care and protect kicked in with driving force.

She hesitated for a moment, not sure if following him, disturbing him while he wished for privacy so much was a good idea. Some borders shouldn’t be crossed, she knew. The instincts of a mother eventually made her go anyway. Growing feelings or not, he was hurt and needed care; that was a reasonable excuse she assumed.

Lori found him in the men’s locker room, a place that was only used for quick showers in the morning and avoided otherwise. She opened the door quietly, just enough for her to enter, but knew he was already aware of her presence anyway.

“Hey,” she greeted, carefully stepping closer. He was sitting on one of the long benches, eyes narrowed in the semi-darkness, looking like a cornered animal. One wrong step and he’d run. Waving the small bag she’d taken with her, she added, “Got some first-aid stuff here. You look pretty rough, so I thought I could help…”

“I’m fine,” Daryl interrupted, voice just above a whisper but sharp like a whip.

“Really?” She lifted an eyebrow at him. “Doesn’t look like that.”

“Guess I know better, don’t you think?” An unspoken warning. _Back off._

“You can barely sit up straight,” Lori continued, ignoring the threat. “Just let me check on your ribs, see if anything’s broken…”

“You got no kids to baby?” he snapped, eyes dark with anger. “Don’t need your help, so leave me alone.”

“That gash looks like it’s in need of some stitches,” she said with a nod towards the bloody cut in his shirt. Before he could argue again, she continued, “I get it, alright? You wanna hide in your cave and lick your battle wounds. Thing is, you ain’t an animal. I get you don’t wanna look weak, especially not in front of Rick and the others. I respect that. But...goddammit, it’s just me. You were there when I gave birth. Can’t get more intimate than having someone look at your private parts when you’re trying to push a baby out.” She used her chance and stepped closer until she reached the bench. “I’m not gonna say anything, not gonna make you talk. Just let me help you with your injuries and that’s all.”

Daryl stared up at her for an endless moment, leaving her wondering if she’d gotten through to him at all. Then, without a further word, he turned until he was facing her and freed himself of his shirt. She could see how much he tried not to wince in pain; an almost impossible challenge, she knew, considering the amount of bruises that were covering his abdomen.

Keeping a calm face, she sat down as well, placing the first-aid bag by her side. He looked away when she inched closer, flinched once she reached out for him, all muscles growing tense the moment she made contact with his skin. He held completely still as her fingers gently worked across his ribs, making sure they were all intact. Like an animal again.

The bruises were a nightmare to look at. Knowing he’d walk around the prison like nothing was wrong while everyone else would lie down if they were injured like that made her heart ache. He had a high tolerance of pain. Too high for her liking.

When she was done with his chest, she gently guided him around, wanting to have a look at his back. He froze instantly, every single muscle blocking the movement. Lori chose to say nothing, convinced that every word had the potential to drive him off for good. She already knew he was covered in scars; Rick had seen them back at the farm when Hershel had stitched him up. She could still make out where the arrow had entered and exited, wincing at the thought of impaling oneself like that.

At least in some way he seemed to be trusting her now though; he didn’t fight back as much as she’d expected him to and eventually allowed her to turn him around. The sight knocked her speechless and Lori was glad he couldn’t see her face, her first reaction to the mess that was the man’s back. She failed to school her face, bit her bottom lip to prevent herself from gasping. Now was not the time for reactions of any kind. The shame was radiating off of him in thick waves. She could see he was trembling slightly, forcing himself to stay still but with little success. She didn’t want to know what was going on inside his mind, what he felt in the depth of his chest as he lay himself open like that, making himself so vulnerable in front of her.

Ever so gently, Lori’s fingers continued their journey across battered skin, trying not to stop every time he flinched. She tried to focus on his ribs and the way he responded to contact with his bruises. Her eyes still returned to the scars eventually, the resulting lump in her throat making it hard to breath.

Lori knew exactly what’d cause such injuries. Occasional beatings with a belt might have left temporary lines across a child’s sensitive skin, might have been glaring red for a few days until they’d disappear. One had to put a lot of strength into a hit to break skin. To cause thick, puckered scars that stayed until the child grew into an adult...she didn’t want to know how many times almost healed wounds had broken open, over and over again.

Closing her eyes for a moment, never stilling her hands, she held her breath to calm the rush of pain and rage that started to fill her chest. She could see Carl in front of her inner eyes, so sweet and innocent, could see his bare, smooth back. Her thoughts went further, imagining a rough leather belt, beating down onto him, over and over again until blood started to spill. She could hear his sobs, the pleading. She knew he’d stop eventually, would only wince in pain whenever the next blow followed, knowing that no words, no promises, no amount of tears would stop this nightmare. Would instead only make it worse, because a boy did not cry. A boy had to handle it. A boy had to take his drunk father’s beating without a blink, carry the scars like they were nothing.

For a moment, Lori wondered if Merle looked the same. If the shared experience had created the strong bond between the two brothers. If the older Dixon had turned out the way he did because he’d chosen a different way to deal with the trauma he’d had to live through. A sudden rush of compassion clenched her heart.

“Looks like nothing’s broken,” she forced herself to say when she realised she was taking too long, felt how he grew stiffer and stiffer beneath her exploring hands. _You’ve been so brave,_ she thought. _I promise no one will ever hear about this. But it only makes me feel it more._ Shaking her head, she resisted the urge to explore what _it_ might be.

“Told you I’m fine,” Daryl answered, his voice quieter, rougher than usual. Yet he spoke: another good sign.

“Well, I wouldn’t call it _fine_ ,” Lori teased gently, smiling as he shot her a glare over his shoulder. “Those bruises must hurt like shit, but I’m not gonna stop you from being the tough guy and pretending you don’t feel them. Just let me stitch up that cut though, okay? I’m gonna be fast.”

He gave a single nod in response and she unpacked her bag. She wasn’t surprised that he didn’t react when the needle pierced through his flesh, again and again until the gash was closed. Who knew how often he’d done that to himself over the years? She didn’t want to imagine.

“There you go.” She brought some distance between them, signalling she was done. Immediately he turned around again, didn’t meet her eyes until his shirt was back in place.

“I guess your brother’s gonna stay with us?” Lori asked as he got up. His eyes flicked back to hers, studying her with caution. She’d never hidden how uncomfortable she’d felt around Merle back when he’d been part of their group.

“Can’t leave him on his own,” Daryl stated. “Guy can be an asshole, but he’s family. Only family I’ve left.”

Lori nodded slowly. She could see it again, the fierce loyalty that shone through in every word, every look. Images forced themselves back into her mind. A little boy, a baby brother, the boy suffering from mood swings of his unstable father. Both boys grown up, covered in evidence of a rough, merciless past.

“I didn’t say we should send him away,” she decided to say then. “He helped us, turned his back on the Governor. If he keeps watch at what comes out of his mouth…”

Daryl’s eyes widened in surprise, then the hint of a smirk lit his face, barely there but enough for her to see. “I’m gonna keep him in check,” he promised. Pausing for a moment, he added, “And...thanks. Y’know, for…”

“Anytime.” Lori smiled. She watched as he headed for the locker room door, mind full of thoughts. “Oh, and Daryl?” She made him stop again, her smile widening a bit as she said, “It’s not true, you know? That he’s your only family. I can think of a little baby girl who’s looking forward to being sung to sleep later.”

He said nothing in response. She hadn’t expected him to. He understood. She knew he did. The feelings were back, she noticed, but this time she couldn’t help but think that they weren’t so unwelcome after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything, this story is written for fun and not for profit.


End file.
